UtopiObama: the end of America

Obama inspires people. To do what? Vladimir Lenin inspired people too. That doesn’t mean his ideas about government were good. As far as I can tell, Obama only inspires people to encourage the government to take care of all their problems. Here is how I imagine UtopiObama in a few years:


“Good morning, United States Comrade #183790433. How much free gas, food, and healthcare would you like today? You feel good about your country. Go to work if you would like. Your work helps Obama provide for you. Just sit around and play Playstation 3 if you prefer. Either way, Obama will take care of you. Obama has decided your job is no longer necessary because of its carbon footprint. You can find a job building wind turbines at the Obama career center, or you can stay home and watch Oprah. Live comfortably knowing that, if we only hope hard enough, we can meet our great goals as a society. Enjoy your day of freedom, change, hope and fulfillment. Yes we can.”

“Good morning, United States Comrade #183790433. You have not worked since 03.25.08. The Department of Labor’s statistics for March showed a significant decrease in production and employment, resulting in temporary shortages in certain goods. Obama has decided the best way to handle this problem is through the following temporary labor decree: who does not work shall consume less. Until you visit the Obama career center and begin a new job, you will be allowed only one gallon of free gas each week. You are also allowed only one free meal per day. You are allowed one free medical consultation per quarter. If you are able to work, and do not contribute to the labor force before the end of the year, you will be drafted for active military service. Obama has instilled hope in our brave young men and women as Commander-in-Chief, and wants you to contribute to our ongoing fight for freedom against external evils and domestic sleeper cells. Enjoy your day of freedom, change, hope and fulfillment. Yes we can.”

“Good morning, United States Comrades. Due to unforseen pressures in national production, personalized morning messages will be temporarily suspended. There have been a few unsubstantiated reports of working citizens being unable to afford basic necessities in the United States. The government continues to ration these necessities to profitable workers, but temporary production pressures have resulted in reduced rations. The Department of Labor tells us the Consumer Price Index is still reasonably low, so inflation is not a problem. Where gasoline is available, prices are still less than $100 per gallon, thanks to Obama’s compassionate decision to nationalize oil. Imagine how high the prices would be if the oil companies were still getting a profit on top of that. The evil threats from abroad continue to fester, and Obama calls on Congress to propose a military draft. There are also numerous sleeper cells among us, who mean our good nation harm. They will backwardly suggest that Obama’s government is evil, and we have reason to believe they may have nuclear capabilities. At any moment, they could detonate a nuclear bomb in a major U.S. city. If you recognize or know people who may be dangerous, please turn their names in to the Department of Homeland Security. Because of the nature of this temporary threat, Obama declares a state of emergency throughout the nation and institutes martial law, effective immediately. Please remain in your homes and await further instruction. Enjoy your day of freedom, change, hope and fulfillment. Yes we can.”


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